During November each year, Movember is responsible for the sprouting of moustaches on countless faces across the globe, the aim being to raise awarness and funds for men’s health, and more specifically, prostate cancer.
But, what is a boy to do if beardy stubble is plentiful while the upper lip remains pretty much fuzz free? Sing the Movember Blues, of course. Words and music by yours truly.
Just in case you’d like to sing along, here are the words:
The Mo’vember Blues
I woke up this morning, I could swear an oath,
Went to the bathroom mirror, to check my stubble growth
Imagine my surprise, I ain’t gonna grin,
Got a forest growin’ out my face, but it’s all on my chin
I got the Movember blues, not feeling very hip.
I got the Movember blues, why won’t the hair grow on my upper lip
Four days of growing, I should be quite hirsute,
But I need hair restorer for this trivial pursuit
Reach for the razor, it’s time to recycle
Can’t bear to face this very day lookin’ like George Michael
‘got the Movember blues, not feeling very hip.
I got the Movember blues, why won’t the hair grow on my upper lip
Turned to my wife to see what she’s thinking
“You look like a goddam tramp and boy are you stinking!”
But, honey it’s for a good cause, prostate cancer awareness,
If I look like tramp, I really couldn’t care less
I got the Movember blues, not feeling very hip.
I got the Movember blues, why won’t the hair grow on my upper lip
Two weeks later, I’m cryin’ “who will save me?”
Trouble, is there’s two weeks left before anyone can shave me
The stubble’s getting itchy, my beard looks the worst
My upper lip’s still hairless, bring on December first
I got the Movember blues, not feeling very hip.
I got the Movember blues, why won’t the hair grow on my upper lip
—
Dedicated to my gorgeous wife, who wholly prefers me clean shaven.