Just received this rather charming Christmas Round Robin from a distant friend…
Dear Esteemed Recipients of our Distinguished Christmas Card,
Greetings and salutations from the heart of our grand abode! It is with the utmost pleasure, mixed with a dash of condescension, that I extend to you the honour of perusing our annual epistle—a riveting chronicle of the exciting occurrences that have transpired in our charmed existence over the course of this rather remarkable year.
First and foremost, our palatial estate continues to be a bastion of refinement and splendour. The East Wing renovations, featuring imported stone from the quarries of Brac one of the islands off Croatia’s Dalmation Coast and adorned with chandeliers that have been passed down through generations, have reached their completion. The resplendent ambiance now rivals that of Buckingham Palace, or so I am told.
In the realm of intellectual pursuits, our prodigious offspring have continued to exceed our already lofty expectations. Tar-quynn has mastered the art of debating the merits of monocles versus spectacles at his exclusive preparatory school, while Gwendolynne’s proficiency in the saddle has become the talk of the local equestrian club. One mustn’t forget to mention the accolades garnered by little Impresaria for her impeccable talent in watercolours – a skill he undoubtedly inherited from his forebears.
Our summer sojourn to the French Riviera was, as one might expect, a delightful tryst with opulence and gastronomic indulgence. The sunsets over Le Midi were only surpassed by the adulation we received at the elite social gatherings that punctuated our leisurely afternoons.
The commodious yacht, which was a mere trifle compared to our main vessel, provided a most agreeable setting for champagne-fuelled tête-à-têtes and ostentatious displays of nautical sophistication. The cultural enrichment garnered from private performances by renowned virtuosi was, naturally, the highlight of our maritime escapades.
On the domestic front, Aspen’s latest endeavour into the world of haute cuisine has resulted in a culinary masterpiece—her signature truffle-infused quinoa risotto. It has become the pièce de résistance of our dinner parties, attracting praise from even the most discerning gastronomes. Of course, we can’t ignore the addition of a personal mindfulness pavilion in the garden, a serene sanctuary for our pursuit of inner enlightenment and physical well-being.
In conclusion, as we bask in the glow of our self-created magnificence, we send our regards to you, dear friends and family. May your year have been half as extraordinary as ours, and may your holidays be filled with the kind of refinement and sophistication that only we can truly appreciate.
Yours, with an air of restrained magnanimity,
Giles and Aspen Urquhart-Smythe
The Croft
Tilbury
In case you were wondering, yes, this is an edited version of something I got ChatGPT to produce using the following prompt:
You are to act as a pretentious, over-privileged middle-class Englishman writing a “round robin” newsletter to include with their Christmas card. Imagine all the personal and boring news from the year you have to share with friends and family you rarely see and don’t really care about.